While I don’t often compare myself to Princess Diana*, it’s just been announced that my book The Ottoman Motel, has been selected for The Courier-Mail People’s Choice Queensland Book of the Year, an offshoot of the most excellent Queensland Literary Awards. The best thing about this award is that it’s voted for by you, the Australian people! I’m among fine company with two other fiction authors and three nonfiction.
Writers don’t often win popularity contests, but if they did, Nick Earls would clearly win. Unfortunately, Nick Earls is also on the shortlist, and graced the cover of the Courier-Mail arts supplement announcing the awards. Now I’m not saying don’t vote for Nick. I’m just saying vote for me instead. Think of it like a scrappy Pozible campaign, but instead of a worthwhile project, it’s me getting $5000, and the love of an adoring public. Unlike Pozible, it will cost you nothing to help me, except a few minutes of your time. This also means there are no special prizes for you, the loyal voter. Don’t worry, though, in the spirit of Pozible, here are some “rewards” you may win** if you vote for me:
- 1 vote = The warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from supporting a first-time author
- 2 votes = The warm and fuzzy feeling that comes from the three ducklings I will send you in the mail
- 5 votes = A signed copy of The Ottoman Motel: Turkey’s Best Short Stays
- 10 votes = A singed copy of Conversations with God (I will use your choice of firelighter)
- 20 votes = I will track down the marketing director responsible for the Big Brother “shuffle” ads and assassinate them.
- 30 votes = I will act out page 254 of “Fifty Shades of Grey” in mime.
- 40 votes = I will perform a range of sex acts on a mime.
- 50 votes = A personal reading from my upcoming collection of nature-inspired haikus
- 100 votes = The opportunity not to attend a personal reading from my upcoming collection of nature-inspired haikus
- 500 votes and above = What the hell is wrong with you?
* The early 90s were a confusing time for me
** I stress the “may” part of that sentence
*** Please keep in mind you can only vote once, unless you are on the run from the law and have assumed multiple identities. In which case, best of luck!